On the corner

I just paid $20 for UPS to overnight a fellowship application that's due tomorrow. The irony is that I really don't have a chance at actually winning this fellowship, so it's basically been a waste of time and $20. But my advisor seems to really want me to apply for it, so I figured I might as well if only to keep her happy and thinking I'm a good grad student.

It seems like I'm always applying for fellowships, although this one is actually the first one I've submitted for quite a while. (If you ignore the aborted atttempt to apply for an actual grant the day after my quals.) This time it's for the CALFED Science Fellows Program using the proposal from my qualifying exams (which had sure better be my thesis project). I'm convinced that I won't be seriously considered for this program because in their call for proposals they specify 3 priority areas that they'd especially like to receive proposals about. While my proposal fits well with the goals of CALFED in general, there's not really any way to shoehorn it into one of those priority topics. The priority topics are all implicitly aquatic and fishy. I'm neither an aquatic nor a fish person (fishy person, perhaps?). My proposal is to study a riparian plant. Factor in that they're only funding 7 applicants and expect to break it down as 5 postdocs and 2 grad students and I've got a snowball's chance. I'm sure they'll receive at least 2 applications from grad students that actually fit their priorities...

This application has been a real pain the ass through and through. First, it has tons of writing requirements. There's the proposal of course, the explanation of how the proposal is appropriate for CALFED, a personal statement, a plan for collaborating with community mentors, and a project summary. And all of those stupid narratives were 1-2 pages. Urgh. I hate writing personal statements. They're so inane! Essentially, all they say is "I am so great! I am god's gift to science. You will fund me and only me!" Of course, you have to figure out how to word it differently and stretch it to 1-2 pages. There's the hard part. And then my community mentor made me write his letter supporting me. Arrrr. After writing all of those stupid narratives which all basically say the same thing it was really hard to write a letter to say the same thing without sounding like it was written by me. He edited it a little, and added a short paragraph at least. And in his editing, he ended up changing some of my sentences so that they are no longer grammatically correct. I guess I should be glad. Now it definitely won't seem like my writing; I strive for grammar! (though I am a little comma-happy.)

Finally, this stupid fellowship requires 3 letters of academic recommendation in addition to a letter of support from your advisor. Which is why I had to spend the $20 to overnight it. My letter writing profs have been very last minute. As of yesterday, I still hadn't received 2 of my letters. I managed to get one of them to email his to a 3rd party who sealed it in an envelope, but my 3rd letter writer is MIA. I don't even care. Given my already slim chances of getting this fellowship, why should I stress about having an incomplete application, especially when the piece I'm missing is completely out of my control. Of course, I'm kicking myself for not asking a backup prof for a letter, which I considered doing 2 weeks ago. Oh well. I've never been rejected for having an incomplete application before. It will be a welcome change from the honorable mention rut, though this program doesn't offer honorable mention...

So now that that's off (with the exception of one letter) I think I'll act busy for a few hours in lab, and then turn to my next quest for the day: finding pink, ruffled undies. They're for a ballet costume, I promise. I'm not planning any seductions...