Surgeon General's Warning

In deference to the stereotype of grad students as cynical and whiney, I am compiling the following list (and I'm only a first year! Sheesh! I don't want to know what it'll be like when I'm a jaded 3rd, 4th, 5th, ... , nth year!):

Reasons why grad school is hazardous to my health.

1. Poison oak. Need I say more?

2. Induced masochism. You know it's a bad thing when your subconscious tries to kill you... And it all started after I enrolled as a grad student. There are two main manifestations of this in my life so far. One is that I now have a swively chair. Which is great. I'm a fidgetty person, so I love to spin and rotate back and forth while sitting here doing my work. Where I run into problems is when I swivel too far and bang myself on my desk. This happens with some frequency. I guarantee that at any given time, I have at least one bruise from this.

The other symptom is that I've developed this habit of banging my head against the wall in my sleep. This one disturbs me. I can think of two explanations for it. One is that I'm trying to get away from the cold air coming from the window, and hence scootch a little too close to the wall. This explanation falls apart, however, since subconscious mutilation occurs even when the window is closed. My other theory is that I'm not used to the bed:pillow ratio. Previously there was always a buffer of bed around the edges of my pillow. Now, since I'm living it up with a double bed, my two pillows pretty much span the entire bed. So perhaps I'm trying to get to the edge of my pillow, which was perfectly feasible in the twin beds (with one pillow) I've always known. It just happens that now the edge of the pillow leads to the wall, and the ensuing whack. Who knows? The good thing about this explanation is that it's logical, and downplays the possibility of my psyche holding a grudge against me...

3. This paper is going to kill me. Again, no explanation needed =).

4. Coca-cola is slowly killing me. And yet caffeine is an essential food group. Oh well. I have no desire to kick the habit. And I don't think I really need to either. I mean, Coke isn't the cigarrette industry... They don't want to kill off their clientele, so I'm sure by the time the effects of Coca-cola start taking a real toll on me, something else will be killing me anyway (such as my paper. whee).

To avoid depressing myself, I'm going to limit this list to four entries. If you are a grad student, or have been one in a former life, and feel that I've left out important details, please let me know. I will be sure to update the list. An informed populace is a, well, I don't know what it is. But I'm sure it's good!

I must let it be known that I do not intend to discourage anybody from attending grad school. Really, it's great. Really. Yeah. No seriously, it is. I'm learning things, which is cool. Meeting new people, making new friends. And according to my mom, I might meet someone that I really like and want to spend the rest of my life with here. She likes to selectively ignore the fact that I already have a boyfriend. Mothers... There's no understanding/explaining them. And who would want to? You notice there's no branch of science devoted to it...